I am no saint

I am no saint.

When I first started blogging my thoughts and said what was on my mind, it became therapeutic for me. I knew that down the road, I’d get hateful comments and trolls about my writing but I also knew that I wasn’t going to stop.

Once you start blogging about your personal life everything becomes public. You will be judged no matter if you’re writing about happy or tragic experiences. One thing to always understand is that people will always have something to say and not everyone will agree with you.

I want to address one thing to everyone who reads my blogs, either publicly or secretly: I am no saint. I have made terrible mistakes in my life. I have hurt people with things I’ve done. I've hurt people with my bad choices and mistakes. No one’s life is easy, and what works for one person may not work for another, but we all make our own choices in life, good or bad. If you’ve done bad, own up to your mistakes because that is the only way you will grow. I take responsibility for each and every one of my mistakes. I am no better than anyone else. For all the mistakes I’ve made and people I’ve hurt, I want to say that I am truly sorry. I can’t undo the pain and hurt, but I can say that I am truly sorry.

Since opening up about my life, I’m facing consequences and facing my truths. I do not blog for pity, I do not blog for attention, as some might think. I am not crying “victim” in my life, I’ve taken responsibility for the bad and embraced the good. I know what I have been through and what my child has been through. I know what it feels like to hate the person you are and want to die. My blogging has not only helped me but has helped people around the world. Like the saying, “everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about,” I’ve been judged as someone who is playing victim and how all I want is attention when that is the furthest from the truth.

Before speaking out about myself, I was the most low-key person – I didn’t even have social media. Now, because I do speak out and I am expressing myself people think I’m looking for pity and attention. If you feel that way then please don’t read my posts. Learning from my past mistakes, I have become a better person. I hurt for others’ pain. I try to understand how people are feeling when they are hurting. I don’t wish badly on anyone. Even those who’ve done me wrong, I still don’t wish bad or harm on them. Life is too short to hold grudges and hate. Hate makes the world ugly.

In my upcoming book, I reveal not only the good I’ve done but the bad as well. I am not and never will be perfect and there are things I wish I could undo, but I can’t. I am sure everyone can relate to doing something they wish they could take back. I have been faced with death threats and have had death wished upon me. I can only hope that those things were said in angry moments that faded away. 

Again, I know my wrongdoings, my flaws as a person, and I will be the first to admit, I am no saint!