I was with my ex boyfriend for nearly three years. At the beginning he was so nice, full of compliments but I suppose that’s how they feel you in. In the first few months he started with what I thought were “sarcastic jokes” about my looks and weight. Which I use to shrug off because I was a confident person. Then he started to make comments about what I wore telling me to go and get changed cause he “wouldn’t be seen with me like that”. My confidence started getting dented. He used to make these comments in front of his friends aswell which really embarrassed me. Months later I was miserable and always on edge because even when he was being nice it wouldn’t last for long. He controlled everything I did. He told me what to wear, who I could speak to, even used to say things about my friends to make sure I didn’t speak to them, so that I was isolated and had to rely on him.
At this time my self confidence was so low I believed everything he said, he constantly made comments about my weight which at the time I am 5 foot 8 and weighed only 9 stone. I was so skinny and was being called fat and ugly and told that “no one else will want you look at you”. He even made a compliment negative - “you look nice today for a change”.
I was so low, depressed and anxious. It came to the point where I felt I had to get validation for everything I did. I was scared to do something he didn’t like. Stupid things like he made comments in front of his friends how I was disgusting with my fake tan and I was to start using sunbeds which I did.
I tried to get away a few times but every time he came back being all nice telling me things would change and he loved me and only controlled me because he loved me.
He then started accusing me of cheating on him, but I found out it was him cheating on me. He somehow managed to turn it round on me tell me it was my fault because I “wasn’t putting out enough” or because we’d “argued”. I was that depressed I just accepted it, because I believed him that no one else would want me.
My birthday came round and my friends had arranged a night out, I got ready at my friends and got messages telling me to send him pictures of what I was wearing and he was so angry. He called me shouting down the phone calling me a slut saying he didn’t want me to go out like that because other boys will be staring at me. And told me to get changed. But my friends told me I need to be myself and stop doing what he said so I wore the outfit I wanted to and although I was happy for doing something for myself I was so anxious to what he would say.
It came to a point where I just couldn’t take it anymore and cut off all contact. I saw him in the pub and he would argue and shout derogatory comments at me. But I finally got my life back, for the first few months it felt strange having to make my own decisions because he used to make them for me. But I saw a therapist and I gained my confidence back.
These situations are so hard to get out of with a controlling manipulative man, but it is possible and you are better on your own.
Anonymous