Hi, I’m not really sure how to start this so I’ll start from the beginning. December 31st 2015 turned out to be a day that changed my life, I entered a relationship that would take up nearly 2 years of my life. At first he was sweet and loving, but weirdly protective. I thought it was sweet. Months went on and he started isolating me from my friends, “you can’t be friends with ______”. I went with it, I loved him, I should trust him right? We kept going and he started to control what I wore, he made me throw out perfectly good clothes (things like v-neck tshirt she seemed “too low cut” or shorts that were “too short”), I went along with it. I wanted to make him happy, I thought he loved me. I started planning trips with my friends and he gave me all hell for it “how dare you leave me”, and I started to look at universities.. that’s when he told me he’d only let me go if I married him. Mind you I had just turned 16 when he said this.. so we got engaged. He loved me, I loved him. What was wrong? Well that summer is when the real abuse started. I’d go over to his house for the day or he’d come over to mine and I loved it. When I was at his house he’d push me, little shoves and stuff, I didn’t think it was much but it started to grow. Well one night in late June I woke up terrified, I couldn’t move. He’d forced himself on me while I was sleeping. I was in so much pain but I didn’t stop him. I was scared. From there it happened more and more, and it escalated to him forcing himself on me while I was awake. He was an angry guy, I was so scared if I fought back he’d hurt me more. I remember one night he nearly choked me to death. I thought I was gonna die, and the worst part was that I blamed myself. “It’s my fault”.
Well I got pregnant from one of the times he raped me, and I ended up miscarrying. But those few days he knew I was pregnant I felt safe. He wouldn’t hurt me. But after I lost the baby it got worse. I brought him on a family trip up to visit my grandparents, we slept on a couch on the fun deck, in the middle of there day while everyone was just outside the sun deck he forced himself on me again. He told me if I screamed he’d hurt me, so I didn’t fight him. The trip went like that for 2 weeks. He lashed out at my parents and threatened my family members, they’d noticed and they tried to keep me away from him after that.
But he loved me, at least that’s what I thought. He was showing me he loved me..
the next year was a series of suicide attempts, and abuse. My family pretty much abandoned me, we lived together but we weren’t talking. I just lived there. A few times I tried to run off to him, my parents brought me back every time, I think they knew he’d kill me if I moved there.
Finally, 2017, I found out he was cheating on me and gave him hell. He didn’t love me, if he did he wouldn’t sleep around still.. but now I was too scared to leave him. He’d hurt me if I did. So I waited until he left me, and that night was hell. I felt the most alone I have in years.
Here I am, 6 months after escaping. He harasses me every now and then still and I’m still scared shitless, but I got help. I got a restraining order, I built up my relationships again, I started taking self-Defense classes and I now stand up for other girls like me who can’t stand up for themselves. I’m planning to become a cop, I want to help other girls the way the cops here helped me. I survived this and am making the best of it, I know you can too. You are strong and amazing and you’ve got this.
Anonymous