It was 2 months before I turned 19. I was going through a lot emotionally at this point in my life. I felt depressed. My self esteem was at an all time low. Then I met this boy. I thought he was my light in the dark. Everything was so nice for the first few months. On my birthday in March, he got mad at me for the first time. It was something minor as I recall. I think it was because my family wanted to spend the day with me. His rage over it was confusing. He later apologized and just blamed it on wanting to see me on my special day. Fast forward several months and me and this boy had broken up and gotten back together more times than I'd care to admit. At this point into the relationship, he had done taken over my whole life. He controlled everything I did and I let him. I overlooked his major mood swings, sharp tongue, and manipulative ways. I thought this was just a part of being in love. He wouldn't let me have any male friends on social media. He would go through my phone every chance he could. He would hound me every time I didn't text back within a few minutes. He would make jokes about hurting me if I ever cheated. He had no reason to assume I would. I was infatuated. I thought he's only like this because he loves me. I thought, he's only jealous of other guys because he loves me. I ignored all of the red flags. Come June or July and we were sitting in his room talking. He had brought some random items into the room. A vase, a pocket watch, jewelry, 2 TVs. I asked where it came from. He told me not to worry about it. I kept asking in fear that it was stolen. He snapped and started screaming at me and told me to mind my business. He told me his friend had took it. I responded with, "well if you helped him, you're just as much of a low life as he is." He hit me. I fell back onto the bed. He climbed over me. He straddled my stomach, pinning down my arms with his knees. He put his hands around my neck. I started to scream for help. He didn't like that. He took the bed comforter and started to shove it into my mouth. I couldn't breath. All I could do was cry. I thought he would never stop. I began thinking of my family. I was thinking about how I'd never see them again. I was trying my hardest to fight back. I could barely reach my hands up enough to even scratch him. After a few seconds, he let go. I jumped up and ran. Crying and screaming. He got in the doorway in front of me, he grabbed his gun and put it to his head. He told me if I left him, he'd use it. He cried and begged. Then he noticed I was bleeding from my mouth and started repeating sorry. I begged him to just let me go. He eventually stepped out of my way and I ran to my car, got in and locked the doors. I went straight to the police station and called my mom. The whole time he and I had been together, no one in my family had liked him. They said he had changed me. I had never saw it. They were worried about me but I always made excuses for him. Not this time. I was dead set on filing a report. Once I got inside of the station, a detective came out to talk to me. He started asking questions and when I mentioned the fact that we were fighting over stolen property, he became more interested in that part of the story. He started asking me about the size of the tvs and what he did with them. I left without anything being done. The detective told me he would call me within a few days but I never received a call. Another cop at the station told me it was his word against mine. Even while I had a visible hand print around my neck and blood all in my teeth and on my mouth. I left feeling worse than before. Weeks passed by. I never told anyone my abuser was still repeatedly texting my phone. He was telling me how sorry he was and begging me to just talk to him. At this time I was staying with my father because my family felt I was unsafe in my town. I went home to visit a friend but I never made it to her house. My ex had convinced me to meet him. He apologized over and over while crying and I thought things were okay. My family was outraged. Mad at him for hurting me and me for going back. I ran away from home because they took my keys and phone from me. Over the next few months, the fights and punches became more and more common. He would hit me, cry and apologize and I would forgive him. Then the same thing over and over. One day we were driving along in his moms vehicle. He made a joke about having sex with some ex of his. I felt hurt so I retaliated with a similar joke but he didn't like that. He punched the side of my head and it hit the glass window. He had me convinced that I deserved it. About a week later, we were in a different argument. At this point, I was so messed up mentally and emotionally. He would start a fight and all I could do in response was cry. I remember for a split second just thinking to myself, "I'm worth more." For almost a straight year, I've been letting this person who claims to love me, put me down in every way possible. This cloud of clarity came over me and I told him, "you say no one else will ever want me, but I'd rather be alone than be with you." I got up to walk out and he followed me down the street for a while trying to get me to come back inside. I had no car to leave in. He turned back around and went inside. I kept walking. I called my mom to pick me up. She was happy to. I moved back in and never looked back. I had to change my phone number but I finally got out. Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I thought it was love. I've since learned that love does NOT make you feel worthless. It doesn't make you cry almost daily. It doesn't break you down. He was my first encounter with such a mentally disturbed person. I almost lost myself in trying to fix him. I wanted to be the one to do it so badly. Not everyone can be "fixed" tho. It was so hard to leave. I can't adequately tho, explain how free I felt afterwards. It's been 3 years ago now. Since then, I've never had a man hit me. I've never been called names daily. I've never been choked since then. Since then, I've never been intentionally humiliated and grilled by a person who claims to love me. After some time went on, I claimed my self worth back. I now have a job I love and a beautiful daughter. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Who knows what would've happened had I not gathered the last bit of courage I had left to leave. I may not be here today. My daughter wouldn't be here. All it took was me finally saying to myself once that I was worth MORE.