I had plans to meet up with a friend from high school, I hadn’t seen him in a while as we are now in college, but we go to the same college so we agreed to meet on a Saturday night after both of us had finished our plans for that evening. I was at a party and had not been drinking, at 11:00 I decided to leave the party and meet him earlier. He told me he would meet me at a street nearby the party so I wouldn’t have to walk alone, I agreed that would be good. When he met me, he had been drinking a lot, which I was unaware of before meeting him. We were trying to walk back to his dorm, but he was so drunk and started to grab me multiple times. I told him to stop but he wouldn’t listen, he kept grabbing me and forcefully kissing me and pulling my hair, as I was trying to get him to stop. I pleaded no but he wouldn’t listen to me, I began to get very scared and started to become frozen inside. I had to follow him back as he is much stronger than me and it was nightime and I was all alone. My plan was to leave him in his dorm but the second I walked in he pulled me over to his futon, laid me down and went on top of me. He started to kiss my neck, I tried to get him to move but he wouldn’t. His hands moved farther down my body, first to my breasts and then to unzipping my jeans. I was screaming no at him and to stop but still he didn’t listen.. he told me he was in love with me and that this is love not rape. I pleaded for him to stop, he held me down with his arm, put his fingers inside me and penetrated me mulitple times with his fingers as I was yelling to stop. And I’m so confused because he’s telling me he loves me while he hurts me. After that he ignored all my pleas and put his penis inside me, I was crying and he noticed me crying, at this point I yelled “please stop please no please stop” my screams got louder and he covered my mouth and said “shhh people will hear you” he started to choke me and pull my hair. I am crying so hard and trying to yell but I now have no voice and whatever I say means nothing to him, the penetration lasted for two hours. By the end I didn’t feel human, I didn’t even feel like I knew my body right then, or this guy who did this to me. But while all of this was going on, I couldn’t help but wonder why this guy I have been friends with for so long would do this to me, why he would rape me. I eventually realized that none of it was my fault, he raped me because of who he is, not because of who I am or what I did. I went to the hospital that next morning and got an exam done on me, it was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I was relieved I got it done. That night will traumatize me for as long as I am alive. That night I may not have had a voice, he didn’t care or listen to when I cried for him to stop, but now I have a voice and I won’t stop using my voice. I refuse to be silent any longer. I am not a victim, I am a survivor.
Anonymous