I was 14 when i met him. He added me on Facebook and seemed too good to be true, he was funny, caring, a little too Caring but it was nice at the time,he wasn't the best of looking, but he was nice. Really nice. He insisted we met in person, so surely i did, the first time we were supposed to meet however, i cancelled as i had a gut feeling that i shouldn't go. But he was persistent and eventually a week or so later i gave in. The first time i met him was okay, he seemed nice and we got along , after that he was adamant we met up more frequently. He lived two towns away from me, so the quickest means of transport was by train. Both of our houses were roughly a mile from the nearest train station. I met him another 3 or four times before he took advantage of me but would convince me its what i wanted, i got home that evening, disgusted, confused, and a little scared.
He messaged me on MSN apologising as he didn't actually ask my consent but said he knew i wanted it, i was still coming around to the circumstances, and hadn't quite realised what happened. So i had replied with "okay" and went to sleep. i felt awful if i was mad at him because he would always be so nice to me. A few days later he insisted we started a relationship.. After a few weeks of him being nice he started to make remarks about my weight and my choice of clothing. Telling me that my shorts were too revealing and i should wear jeans in the summer instead and that im a slag and i could do with losing a few pounds. He would regularly make himself food and tell me there was nothing left in the kitchen for me and not to be ungrateful because his family don't have a lot and he has to beg his parents to even let me stay the weekend. If i didn't want to have sex with him he would often accuse me of cheating, threaten that he would digitally enhance photos of me naked and post them online. often he would wait until i was sleeping to perform sexual acts on me, and when id wake up he would just cover my mouth. Eventually i was so scared of him that i didn't speak, eat, or step out of line in any way. he eventually got me pregnant. When i told my mother i had never seen her look so disappointed in me, i had just turned fifteen, i didnt know how to tell her what was happening to me as i was already being bullied in school and we had a lot of family problems at the time too. she cried for an hour, before telling me that i have to rid of the baby. I was so brainwashed at this time that i didn’t know what i wanted (I've always said i don't want children and stand by that statement to this very day) when i told him i was having an abortion, he told me i was a disgusting murdering slag and i should be ashamed that i was killing my own child. (Despite previously telling me he will stand by my choice.) After the operation i had the contraceptive rod put in my arm. We argued for a few weeks following the abortion and he regularly split up with me. When we would get back together i would find messages on his social media of him flirting with other females and asking to meet up with them while we were together.
Whenever i plucked the courage to confront him he would convince me im crazy and reading too much in to it or imagining the whole thing. He often told me i was crazy and compare me to an ex girlfriend of his whom apparently had bipolar and continued to tell me how i am "just as mental as her" and how he would punish her and if im not careful he will do the same to me. He regularly took "meow" and would lie about it, this would be when he was most abusive, holding me by my throat against a door and punching a hole in it right next to my head. If i got to his house ten minutes later than i told him i would be there he would spend the whole weekend arguing with me and accusing me of cheating. When in fact he was regularly cheating on me. During the relationship i developed an eating disorder where i was so obsessed with being thinner to be prettier that my mother had made many appointments with the doctor for me (which i didn't turn up to) when we eventually split up for good, he would occasionally message me, still keeping a bit of control on my life. Three years later i realised that not once did i give permission to be touched at all. And decided to ignore any messages he would send me (id blocked him a few times but he made numerous social media accounts) eventually i agreed to meeting up with him to have a coffee and air out what i needed to say out loud. But i couldn't do it. The thought of ever having to see his face again made me sick to my stomach. He argued with me about my decision, to which i blew. Told him everything. Told him that he had raped me and abused me and expected me to be friends with him, reminded him of all the awful things he said and all the times he took advantage of my vulnerability. And yet again it "wasnt his fault" because he was "young" (he was 17 when i met him) if a child knows that stop means no, and no means no. What is his excuse? He kept on about how i painted him as this awful person. and honestly? I wish he didn't exist because i do not want anyone going through that. Feeling like your body isn't yours. You're an object. Many of times I've cried while having sexual relations with people as i panic when they don't hear me say stop.
I thought i was strong enough to get through this without help. But im not. And on top of all of this, he is now opening a shop a few doors down from my workplace, and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it because i didn't report it out of fear that i wouldn't be believed . only last year my mother found out the truth of the relationship. a few friends who dont know my situation often tell me im over reacting on the fact he is coming to work in the same town as me and i feel sick to the Pitt of my stomach. Im thinking about going to counselling. Why after 7 years does he still feel the need to be in my life in any way shape or form. I have worked in this town since i was 17 and he is fully aware of this. I just don't know what to do any more. Karma still hasn't caught up to him .
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