I remember it like yesterday almost 20 years later, back where it began. When I was five my uncle began molesting me. He would offer that we spend time together and everytime trick me into thinking it wasn't going to happen again. I realize now that being so young I did not understand how it's was abuse. I was around ten when my mother's brother (uncle #2) began also molesting me. I went there because my Mom worked very early and they babysat my sister and I. I was there every week usually twice at the minimum. I remember how he'd sit me on his knee and touch me. I somehow knew if it was me then he would not touch my sister. I remember his breathing in my ear. To this day someone breathing behind me triggers me. I took both of them to court when I was 12. I exposed the abuse to a guidance counselor thus involving the justice system. The first was proven guilty and was set to serve a house arrest sentence to allow him to remain at work. He later appealed the case. The second uncle was proven innocent. The judge said he believed me but without medical proof there was nothing he could do. He had tears as he delivered the verdict my Mom told me. I remember testifying for hours and being asked the same questions over and over again by their lawyers. They were so upset I couldn't tell them what time of day it was, or remember the position of the sun in the sky. At fourteen I was raped by two "friends" at a party. We were drinking but I was way to intoxicated to be able to consent. When I woke up the next morning his Dad drove me home. On the way back to my house he told me not to speak about it because if I did then everyone would know and think I was a whore. I did not tell anyone about this for years after. When I was 16 I injured myself pretty badly. I was put on medication for the pain which allowed me to sleep also. While taking this medication my ex would rape me while I slept. I was not able to wake up but knew what was happening. I asked him and was told "were together right?". I know without a doubt that these events have shaped the way I view the world. They have shaped my relationships as well. I choose friends differently. I have a very hard time with intimacy. I don't know what it feels like to be able to fully trust that someone won't hurt me. I now have a daughter she's amazing! Everyday I pray that someone does not rob her of her innocence. I have suffered depression, anxiety, and am currently fighting for a PTSD diagnosis. Almost nightly I have terrors and flashbacks. It will forever be with me. I went to college at 21 I recently graduated. I work in women's violence now and sexual assaults. I make a difference and give people hope when they have none. I have held crying and scared women. I have held hands and watched lives be pieced together. Everyday I am so grateful to have taken my experience and made it something beautiful. If you are in this situation please know your strong, your loved, and I pray for you! If your child is in this situation or you for one second suspect they are please seek help! There are so many resources available. Most of all please be patient with them and reassure everyday how loved they are, it may take everyday for them to believe it again. Thank you for allowing me to share my story. ♥️
Anonymous