My story started when i was 18, i had met this guy through my cousins boyfriend and he was the "perfect" guy for my 18 year old self.
At 18 i don’t think i knew it was abuse, I probably thought it was protectiveness but at 25 i can see the difference.
It started with saying things "you've gained weight" "you'd be more attractive if you did this" "why are you so stupid" at the time i lind of rolled with it, but over time it started to take effect, i remember taking everything he said and believing him, because if i wasn't attractive to him i wasn't attractive.
Forward two years of the same abuse, id lost most of my friends because he made me feel so self conscious about myself i never wanted to go out, he convinced me that all my friends spoke about me and basically said everything he had said and i just became isolated. Around my 21st birthday our mutual friends had a bbq that we attended, i can remember it started of fine i was talking to my femalw friends while he spent time with his friends, after a while the group became mixed and everyone was talking to everyone.
I was talking to my boyfriend ls friend when he came over to me and out his arm round me and just stood there, i didnt think anything of it until i felt a pinch on my arm, obviously i was shocked he had pinched me, he laughed it off but after a few minutes of me continuing my conversation he had pinched me 3 more times.
I came to the conclusion it was because i was speaking to his friend and i was right, when his friend left to go elsewhere my boyfriend pulled me to the side to tell me i was acting like a slut and embarrassing him.... we left shortly after because he was angry I had ignored him to talk to another male.
We last 5 years, 5years if me quitting jobs because he accused me of cheating with makes at work, 5years of isolation and fear sinply because i loved him and everytime he threatened to leave if i didnt do something. From punches to slaps to pulling my hair and getting in ym face because he didnt like something i said or did.
It all came to a end when i went out for my bestfriends birthday and he had followed us to a night club and saw me dancing innocently with my friend and sisters, he dragged me off the dance floor by my hair, shouting calling me names, next to the entrance he threw my against the wayy and pinned me by throat, i couldn’t remember what he was saying to me all i remember is being punched and them him being dragged back by a few guys from the club who has witnessed the entire thing, but it was my sisters reaction that finally made me understand it was abuse, they were a mess asking me how long it had been going on, and i didn't understand this was normal right? This is how relationships work? This had been my relationship for 5years its normal? Yeah but really not. Im 25 now and i look back at my relationship with him and i can now see the warning signs, the manipulation, the mind games, how it was my fault, how i had become a shell if a person.
I did have to get a restraining order against him because he never really understood it was over but (fingers crossed) I haven't seen him in two years and they have been the best two years, ive stayed single because im not sure if im ready as of yet, but im working on me, in university doing nursing, living my best life and gaining back my confidence.
Anonymous